Random Pieces
by Writing bunny
Summary: A series of independent humorous oneshots. Chapter 7: Smoker's humble early career
1. Stuck

**Author's note:** So here I am with a new collection of independent funny oneshots, this time for One Piece. Those who have read Bleached Thoughts would be already familiar with the format. This story will be updated whenever I can think of something funny. That said, read and enjoy the first chapter. And let me know what you think about it.

Genre: Humor

Characters: Luffy, Usopp

Rating: K+

**Disclaimer: I don't own OnePiece. I couldn't write it so well.**

* * *

"Ow, I'm stuck," Luffy commented staring at his feet embedded deep into the concrete ground of Arlong Park's main courtyard. He tried to pull them out, but to no avail. Usopp also tried to pull him out, but remained unsuccessful as well. And because the officers of Arlong Pirates were closing in on them and Zoro and Sanji couldn't fend off all of them, the situation was quickly becoming dire. Usopp realized it too well and could barely suppress the urge to run. If there weren't so many people watching and if Luffy's life wasn't on the line, he would have done so a long time ago. This way he decided to give it one last try. He predictably failed again. _Well, big surprise here, _he thought. _How am I supposed to accomplish something even the freakishly strong captain couldn't? Only he is strong enough to get stuck in the concrete. Wait..._

"Luffy," he said as an idea formed in his mind. "Why don't you punch the ground? It should shatter." Luffy looked at him in confusion for a moment before his face brightened.

"You're so smart, Usopp. Why didn't I think of it before?"

"Because you're an idiot and can't do anything without my help," Usopp muttered not too quietly, but Luffy paid him no mind. He concentrated on implementing the plan.

_Punch. Punch. _The concrete ground cracked.

"You see?" Usopp gloated. "My perfect plan worked. You should recognize me as the captain." He turned around to watch Luffy's response, but the young captain wasn't jumping around pummeling fishmen as was expected of him. Instead he just stood there slightly hunched over.

"Usopp?" he said.

"Hm? Am I not the greatest?" the sharpshooter asked for some well-deserved praise.

"Now my hands are stuck as well."


	2. Clown's gas

**Author's note:** Sorry it took so long. My inspiration to write funny One Piece oneshots fled ritght after I completed the first one. But now it finally returned, so here's a new chapter. More will come soon.

Genre: Humor

Rating: K+

Characters: Caesar Clown, Dr Vegapunk, Marines

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.**

Caesar Crown frowned. He had a good reason for his dismay. He was the assistant of the genius scientist Dr Vegapunk, he had lead a lot of research projects successfully, achieved great discoveries, especially where weapons of mass destructions and poisonous gases were concerned, and the two Marine bigheads who were currently inspecting the research facility were acting as if he wasn't even there, heaping all their attention on Vegapunk instead. And Vegapunk wasn't quite as great as everybody thought he was. Crown was going to surpass him soon. He probably already did, but nobody realized it yet. And when he tried to correct the misconceptions about their abilities the two Marines had, they told him to shut up. Morons, both of them. One looked dumb and the other retarded. So that's how Crown called them, because he couldn't be bothered to remember their real names.

But he wasn't going to just take their insulting contempt quietly. Oh no, he was going to teach them just who they were messing with. There was so much he could do. He had eaten the Gas-Gas fruit, which gave him amazing abilities. He could turn the air their breathed into poison and watched as they died in horrible pain over the course of several days. Or he could steal the oxygen from their lungs and let them suffocate, not understanding why they couldn't breathe when there was perfectly fine air everywhere around. But that would get him in trouble and he liked his lab here too much for it. And they were providing generous funding. So he won't kill them yet. But he was going to embarrass them so badly they'd feel ashamed for the rest of their lives. The Gas-Gas fruit was the perfect tool to achieve that.

He activated his powers covertly. Soon an extremely unpleasant odor began spreading from around Vice-admiral Dumb.

"Somebody farted," Vice-admiral Dumb said, looking at Captain Retard pointedly.

"It wasn't me," Captain Retard protested, looking at Vice-admiral Dump pointedly. Retard. Then they both looked at Dr Vegapunk pointedly. But Vegapunk was a genius and quickly understood what was going on. He turned to Crown.

"Caesar Crown!" he scolded. "That's an infantile misuse of your Gas-Gas powers! Are you a respected scientist or a schoolchild?" Caesar's guilty expression was proof enough that Vegapunk was right.

"You clown!" Vice-admiral Dumb shouted, showing that he had a surprisingly small vocabulary of obscenities, considering that he was a sailor. "I'm going to make you regret this." And he did. He made sure that henceforth Caesar Crown was known as Caesar Clown, even in official documents.


	3. Void Century

Genre: Humor/Mystery

Rating: K+

Characters: Gorousei

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.**

"Kill them all," the oldest of the Five Elder Stars commanded, sealing the fate of yet another group of insurgents who had tried to discover the secrets of the Void Century. He then hung up the receiver of the phone snail with a satisfying feeling of a job well done. He smiled and turned to his colleagues. "Well, gentlemen, the secret is safe again."

"What secret?" the youngest and newest member of the Gorousei inquired.

"How can you even ask?" the second oldest councilman scowled. "The secret of the Void Century, of course! How did you even make it here if you don't know that much?"

"I know that," #5 answered. "But what is the secret? I thought I'd learn if I make it here."

"That knowledge is too dangerous," #1 stated. "We have to keep it secret or terrible things will happen."

"What terrible things?" #5 wanted to know.

"That's a secret," #4 replied. He was glad he wasn't the youngest one here anymore and could say this to the newcomer instead. He had spent years looking forward to this.

"Even that?" #5 raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, even that," #1 confirmed. "All you need to know is that the secret of the Void Century must be kept secret at all costs."

"Alright," #5 sighed. "But I really thought that if I come here, I'd learn. Come on, guys, you trust me, don't you? You can tell me. I won't do anything stupid, I promise."

"No," #3 shook his head. "If we told you, somebody might overhear. And you don't want to know what would happen then."

"Oh, that's a pity," #5 sighed. "I really wanted to know why we're doing this."

"Because it's important," #2 stated.

"But why it is so important?" #5 refused to let the question slide. "Can I at least read about it in our top-secret archives that officially don't exist?"

"No," #1 shook his head. "All records of the Void Century have been destroyed. Even the ones in the super-secret archive that doesn't really exist, so you shouldn't speak of it ever again. Otherwise somebody might find them and read them, no matter how secret the archives that don't even exist are."

"Guys," #5 said as a nasty suspicion blossomed in his brain, "you don't know either, do you?"

"We know our duty as it has been passed down from our predecessors," #3 answered. "That's all you need to know too."

"But how do you know our predecessors were right?" #5 questioned.

"Of course they were," #2 scoffed. "The Gorousei is always right. No matter what."

"Oh, I almost forgot," #5 nodded. It sounded a bit sarcastic. "I just really wanted to form my own opinion."

"You don't need your own opinion, you need to do your duty," #1 scolded.

"Of course," #5 sighed. He still sounded a bit rebellious. #1 sighed too. He really hated youngsters with their own opinions. It looked like they'd have to look for a new colleague sooner than they expected.

* * *

**End note:** Seriously, don't you think that the World Government might not actually know what happened during the Void Century? They needed Nico Robin to revieve the Pluton, so they cannot read the Poneglyph. And considering their paranoia, it's quite likely they destroyed all other records including their own.


	4. Clown's origins

Genre: Humor/crossover

Rating: K+

Characters: Strawhats, Caesar Clown, Orochimaru, Kabuto

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece. I don't own Naruto either.**

"Clown looks weird," Luffy said.

"Huh? He looks pretty normal," Nami shrugged. "For a madman."

"We've seen weirder people. This is nothing," Sanji said.

"That's it," Luffy said. "He looks normal, just creepy. That just isn't normal."

"Like it matters," Zoro shrugged.

"He looks scary," Brook remarked shivering.

"Yes. He doesn't look scary, yet he looks scary. That's what's so odd about him," Luffy explained. It made no sense to everybody else.

"That's because he's not from this world," Usopp stated in his narrative tone.

"You mean he's a ghost?" Brook shivered even harder.

"No," Usopp shook his head. "It was like this."

...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...

Orochimaru was just reading his notes regarding his latest experiment when Kabuto entered the room. That in itself wasn't odd; his right hand often came in unannounced. What was odd was the fact that he was holding a baby in his arms and looking at it as if it was a live bomb or carrier of some really nasty and really contagious plague.

"What's that?" Orochimaru asked.

"That's experiment #1307D," Kabuto answered.

"1307D?" Orochimaru raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't aware we had such an experiment."

"I thought it might be the case," Kabuto nodded sagely. "You started it after you accidentally inhaled the vapors from experiment #1299B."

"That was some nasty stuff," Orochimaru grimaced. "I still shudder whenever I remember some of the things I did that week. But I still don't recall this," he pointed at the baby. That wasn't good. It suggested that it might be even worse than some of the things he did remember, like the attempt to cross a member of the Houzuki clan with the Moon County poisonous squid. Now that was something he didn't want to think about. "What is this?" he asked cautiously, dreading the answer.

"I think you wanted to create the perfect vessel," Kabuto speculated, "so you tried to combine your DNA with Uchiha Madara's."

"I did what?" Orochimaru shrieked. As much as he craved the Sharingan, this just wasn't worth it. This thing would probably plan how to overthrow him and take over the world before it was out of diapers. Maybe it was already doing so. And considering that it was combination of him and Madara, it could actually succeed. "Get rid of it!"

"Should I kill it?" Kabuto asked. Orochimaru almost nodded, but then he remembered that the thing was part him and part Madara. There was no way to be sure it was really dead. No, he had to get rid of it in a more definitive manner.

"No, we'll send it away."

"What do you mean?" Kabuto asked, puzzled.

"Take it to the dimensional gate."

"The dimensional gate?" Kabuto's face turned as grey as his hair. "You mean the one you created when you tried to copy the Hiraishin and it failed so spectacularly?"

"Yes, that one," Orochimaru confirmed. "And never say it failed spectacularly again. The Cthullu wasn't so bad."

"It just ate the whole base and the surrounding forest before it returned through the portal," Kabuto reminded him.

"Don't complain and do it," Orochimaru commanded.

"Why don't you do it?" Kabuto tried to get out of the task. He'd do almost anything to get out of coming anywhere near the gate again.

"Stop whining and do it," Orochimaru repeated his command in a dangerous tone. Kabuto resigned. If he refused now, he'd end up as a test subject and even the Dimensional Gate wasn't so bad. And the sooner the monstrosity in his arms was gone from this world the better.

...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...:...

"That's crazy even for you, Usopp," Nami commented.

"So Clown is the result of some mad experiment in another world?" Luffy asked wide-eyed.

"I wonder how it was done," Chopper mused.

"Oh, you two, it was a lie," Franky rolled his eyes.

"It was?" Luffy and Chopper asked in unison.

"Maybe, maybe not," Robin shrugged. "On the Grand Line everything is possible."


	5. Justice guide

Genre: Humor

Rating: K+

Characters: Akainu

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.**

* * *

**A code of conduct for young Marine officers**

_By Fleet Admiral Akainu_

It has recently come to my attention that many of our young officers don't know how to behave properly in their positions. So therefore I decided to write this guide to explain everything and help you to understand your duty as champions of Justice.

It is the duty of every Marine officer to uphold Justice. Every officer has to uphold Justice. Whoever doesn't uphold Justice diligently is an enemy of Justice and has to be dealt with swiftly. This is Absolute Justice.

Always remember: you are the champions of Justice. You're always doing Justice. If somebody tells you otherwise, he's an enemy of Justice. Enemies of Justice have to be dealt with swiftly. Make them an example to everybody who doubts your Justice. Only that way can Absolute Justice prevail.

Your superiors have more experience in upholding Justice, so trust their judgment and obey all of their orders without the slightest hesitation. It doesn't matter that you don't understand why they are doing it, they know better then you what Justice is. So observe and learn. If you don't, it means that you are enemies of Justice and will be punished accordingly. There's only one punishment appropriate for enemies of Justice. I'm sure I don't need to tell you which one. Such is Absolute Justice.

As you undoubtedly understand now, upholding Justice without hesitation is the most sacred duty of the Marines. If a Marine isn't relentless in upholding Justice, he is even worse than an outright enemy of Justice, because he sets a bad example for his comrades. That makes him even worse than pirates, who are our sworn enemies. Whichever Marine hesitates in upholding Justice has to be dealt with swiftly before he can contaminate his peers with his cowardly ways. That's the way of Absolute Justice.

The new Marine recruits often don't understand Justice well enough. You have to constantly remind them that the Marines are Justice. Show them what happens to those who doubt it often enough. Only then your men wouldn't hesitate to uphold Justice no matter what. There's nothing like an exemplary punishment if you need to raise morale. And it teaches your men Absolute Justice.

I believe I've covered everything important. So, dear Marine officers, never forget that you are Justice. Nothing but Justice matters and no action is too extreme when it helps uphold Justice. As long as you keep this in mind, Justice will prevail. The Marines are the Absolute Justice.

I hope that this explanation will help you to understand Justice better, If not, then you're enemies of Justice and will be dealt with swiftly and exemplarily, in the name of Absolute Justice.

Yours sincerely

Fleet Admiral Akainu

_Akainu_


	6. The judgement of Luffy

Genre: Humor/ Crossover with Greek mythology

Rating: T

Characters: Strawhats, Zeus, Hera, Athena, Aphrodite

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.**

"It's mine!"

"It's mine!"

"No, it's mine!"

"Both of you are stupid. Otherwise you would have realized already that it should be mine!"

"No way, you old hag! It's obviously mine!"

"Watch your tongue! That's no way to speak to your elders!"

"Hah! You admitted it! You're old! So get lost, because you have no business being here!"

"I'm not old! Take it back!"

"You are older than us."

"So what? I'm still prettier!"

Zeus sighed and stuffed his fingers into his ears. It didn't help a bit. He could still hear his wife and two daughters squabbling. And over something as insignificant as an apple. Even the fact that it was golden didn't justify it. But there was the thrice-damned inscription on it: _For the fairest. _And so every goddess on the whole Olympus decided that it should rightfully belong to her. It became a matter of honor and nobody was willing to back off. It had been going on for about two decades now. Most of the contestants had dropped out years ago and now only the three toughest remained. But they were so tough that there was no end to this madness in sight.

"You might not look bad on the outside," Athena said, "but beauty isn't only in the body but also in the mind. So the apple should be mine."

"You're stupid," Aphrodite countered.

"I'm the goddess of wisdom!" Athena shouted.

"It sure doesn't show," her sister stated.

"Like you know what wisdom is, you slut!" the virgin goddess spat.

"Oh, thank you," Aphrodite smiled. "I'm the goddess of love, beauty and sex. So as the goddess of beauty, I'm obviously the one who should get the apple. And you are just sour that you don't get any."

"Watch it," Athena raised her spear threateningly. "Did you forget I'm also the goddess of war?"

"Kill each other for all I care," Hera interjected. "But before you do so, admit that the apple rightfully belongs to me. I am the queen of gods after all. Isn't that right?" She turned to her husband, silently commanding him to support her.

Zeus sighed. Great. Now they were dragging him into it. Should he keep his fingers in his ears and pretend he didn't hear them?

"Look at me when I'm talking to you," his wife snapped angrily. Zeus sighed and turned towards Hera, removing the fingers from his ears. King of gods he might be, but there were some things even he didn't dare to do.

"What is it, dear?" he asked trying to feign ignorance. It didn't work. Hera had known him for too long.

"Don't act as if you don't know," she scowled. "Be a man and decide already. Which one of us is the fairest?" Her voice promised him many nights in the doghouse if he named anyone but her. Not that it bothered him, there were thousands of pretty girls in the world and he could have any of them anytime he wanted. Being a god had its perks.

"Yes, which one of us is the fairest, father?" Aphrodite smiled seductively.

"I hope you will decide wisely, father," Athena said, wordlessly stating which decision she considered wise.

Zeus sighed. Damn that Eris. He had thought that not inviting the old hag to the wedding would prevent trouble, but she still found a way to get him into a mess. He really shouldn't have underestimated the goddess of discord. She was a pro in causing feuds after all. But that was long past. He turned his attention to the mess on his hands now. And what a mess it was. If he picked one, the other two would be after his hide and an angry goddess was dangerous even for a god. So what should he do? Well, he could act like a ruler and delegate the responsibility and all consequences on some poor sod.

"I'm not going to decide this," he stated firmly. The three goddesses looked ready to smite him with lightning, even if it was his ability. "I found you another judge."

"Who?" Hera asked cautiously.

"Follow me, I'll show you."

* * *

It was a quiet day aboard the Thousand Sunny. The sky was clear, no ominous clouds gathering in the distance, the wind was unusually steady for the Grand Line and the ship sailed fast towards the next island. Luffy was lying on the figurehead, Zoro was lifting weights, Nami was drawing maps, Usopp was tending to his Pop Green plants, Sanji was preparing lunch, Chopper was mixing some medicine to replenish his stocks, Robin was reading a book, Franky busied himself with maintenance of the paddle wheels and Brook was playing a quiet tune on his violin. There weren't any other pirate ships in sight and no Marines trying to catch or sink them and no sea monsters trying to eat them. It was a rare quiet day for the Straw-hat crew. Perhaps even the most peaceful one they had enjoyed so far. That should have clued them in that something unpleasant was going to happen soon. But so far they were enjoying the quiet too much to worry.

Their first clue was when a bright light suddenly shone in the middle of the deck and quickly turned into three beautiful women and a strong-looking guy. The whole crew immediately dropped whatever they were doing. Luffy jumped up and stared. Zoro grabbed the handle of Shuusui. Nami pulled out her Climatact. Usopp quickly analyzed which of his ammo would be the best. Sanji looked through the window and was paralyzed by the beauty of the three women. Chopper checked whether he had his Rumble Balls at hand. Robin laid down her book carefully. Franky checked his cola supply. Brook put away his violin and picked up his cane. He was also the first one to speak.

"May I see your panties?"

"My what?" The women looked genuinely confused, as if she had no idea what panties were.

"Who are you?" Luffy demanded, sparing Brook the need to answer.

"You don't know?" "Pathetic mortal!" "How rude!" "Maybe I should just smite him." The three goddesses were enraged. Zeus just smiled slightly. Yes, this guy was perfect.

"I am Zeus, the king of gods," he introduced himself.

"Hmph," Zoro scoffed. Usopp fell to his knees and began muttering a prayer quickly. Nobody could understand his words. The others just watched quietly, being long used to odd occurrences.

"I've chosen you among all mortals to be the judge in their squabble." The three goddesses shot Zeus a dirty look for calling their feud a squabble. Usopp prayed harder. Everybody else just watched and waited. "This apple should belong to the fairest of all," he showed them the golden apple. Nami's eyes instantly changed into Beli symbols. "You decide which one it is."

"Alright," Luffy said. Usopp bashed his head against the deck, certain that they were going to be smitten by an angry goddess any moment now. Nami eyed the golden apple hungrily. The three goddesses saw it as their cue to better their chances at gaining the apple. The oldest of them acted first.

"If you vote for me, I'll make you the king of the whole world," Hera said sweetly, trying to bribe him. It was a perfect plan. Surely nobody could resist her offer? She had yet to meet a man who wasn't power-hungry.

"I don't want to," Luffy shook his head.

"Huh?" the goddess wasn't sure she had heard it right. Did this puny mortal just refuse what she would have so graciously bestowed upon him?

"I want to be the Pirate King."

"So I'll make you the Pirate King," Hera quickly changed her offer. She didn't know what a Pirate King was, but she was sure she could make this boy one.

"But that would be no fun," Luffy explained. "I have to become the Pirate King by my own power. Otherwise it'd be boring and I'd quit being a pirate." Hera looked as if she had eaten a cockroach. Athena and Aphrodite were snickering. The queen of gods shot them a dirty glare before walking away.

Athena stepped forward. She had observed Hera's attempt carefully and she was sure she had something that this little guy wouldn't be able to resist.

"If you vote for me, I'll make you the greatest hero in the world. You'll be famous. Everybody will know and revere your name."

"No," Luffy shook his head resolutely.

"What?" Athena blinked. Did she make a mistake while devising her strategy? That would be bad, she was the goddess of strategy after all.

"I don't want to be a hero."

"No? Everybody loves heroes," the goddess of wisdom pointed out.

"I love them too," Luffy agreed, "but I don't want to be one. If a hero has a piece of meat, he gives it to others. I want to eat that meat!"

"What?" This didn't make sense. Athena backed off, confused.

Aphrodite shook her head in amusement at her competitors' pathetic attempts. Honestly, those two had outsmarted themselves. They had completely ignored the simple fact that the judge was a man. And she was going to exploit it to the fullest.

"If you vote for me, I'll give you the love of the most beautiful woman in the world." Here. This couldn't possibly fail.

"But Hancock-chan already loves me." Oh, she didn't count on that. "And she's so clingy it's annoying." Somebody actually thought that the fairest woman loving them was annoying? The world must be coming to its end. Aphrodite staggered away, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Was that all you wanted?" Luffy asked.

"You still haven't decided who should get the apple," Zeus reminded him.

"Forget about him," Aphrodite scoffed. "He obviously doesn't know what beauty is." Athena and Hera nodded in agreement. Then the three of them left. Zeus snickered and followed after them.

"So we didn't get smitten after all," Robin said. She sounded almost disappointed. Usopp fainted with relief.

* * *

The three goddesses and one god were returning to Olympus. The three goddesses were in a rather subdued mood after their attempts at bribery failed so spectacularly. Zeus was happy that they were quiet for the first time in twenty years. Of course his respite didn't last long.

"That jerk," Aphrodite muttered. "Why doesn't he want the most beautiful women? Is he into boys or what?" Now that she thought about it, it sounded like the most likely possibility.

"Why doesn't he want power? Everybody does," Hera wondered.

"Doesn't he want to be famous hero? That's so much fun. He's seriously stupid," Athena concluded.

"So who's going to decide who should get the apple now?" Aphrodite sighed. Then she looked around in alarm as she realized something. "Hey, where's the apple?"

Zeus smiled where they couldn't see it. Yes, he had chosen well in picking the judge. Finally he got rid of the thrice-damned apple. The life on Olympus will be quiet once again, well, as quiet as it ever got.

* * *

Aboard the Thousand Sunny Nami was admiring her newest acquisition.

"It's solid gold," she stated with beli symbols in her eyes. "And I'm the fairies in the world, here it says so."

"Of course you are, Nami-swaan!" Sanji danced around, not even noticing that the lunch was about to get burnt.

"You just stole from gods!" Usopp pointed at her, holding a cross in his other hand. "They are going to smite you for your insolence!"

"We're going to die!" Chopper wailed.

"Tch. Like they were really gods," Zoro scoffed.

"There are many recordings of sightings of gods in the history books," Robin said calmly. "Not all of them are fake."

"We're going to be smitten!" Usopp panicked. "Lightning is going to strike us down!"

"Don't worry about it, Usopp," Zoro shrugged. "We've met 'gods' before. Remember Enel?"

"He was bad enough," Usopp shrugged, "and he wasn't even really a god. Can you imagine what a real god can do?"

Just as he said it, lightning struck from the clear sky and struck Luffy straight in the head.

"Huh, where did it come from?" the young captain wondered looking at the cloudless sky. Nami just smiled.

"It looks like we have nothing to worry about."


	7. Smoker's beginnings

Genre: Action/Humor

Rating: K+

Characters: Smoker, Hina, OC

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.**

Sergeant Smoker thought his life was good. He was a proud Marine, doing his best to uphold Justice, and though his career wasn't as fast as it should be, thanks to some differences he had with his superiors, he was sure that he will get his well-deserved promotion eventually, because even the stuck-up idiot who was in command of the base couldn't ignore his strength and accomplishments forever. He was especially bound to notice him now that he had eaten the Smoke-Smoke fruit and his combat strength increased greatly.

And to top his good luck, Smoker now by chance cornered the notorious pirate Francis O'Malley, the self-proclaimed terror of South Blue, or at least this little part of it. His bounty of four million beli suggested that he wasn't all that terrfying. He certainly didn't seem scary to Smoker as he strode towards the pirate menacingly.

"Pirate Francis O'Malley, you're under arrest," Smoker informed him in his sternest voice.

"You think you can arrest me, little Marine?" the pirate scoffed. "I am the great Captain Francis O'Malley! Nobody is stronger than me!"

"You're still under arrest," the young sergeant stated walking closer.

"Stop!" O'Malley commanded. "Or I'll release my new power, the Dog-Dog fruit, model: Yorkshire terrier!" To emphasize his words, he immediately transformed into his hybrid form. It made him look like an overgrown Yorkshire terrier standing on his hind paws; only a bow was missing to make the image of long-furred cuteness complete. Smoker almost laughed aloud, but that would have ruined the mood.

Because it was now obvious that the pirate wouldn't come quietly, he reached for his trusted friend that had helped him against Devil Fruit users many times before. He grabbed his seastone jitte...

...and promptly collapsed as all the strength was drained from his body. Oh hell, he completely forgot that now that he was a Devil Fruit user too he couldn't touch his weapon freely anymore.

"That was pathetic, Marine scum!" O'Malley scoffed while Smoker struggled to muster enough strength to roll off his weapon. "But fear not, I'll finish you off quickly." He walked two paces towards the downed sergeant, then stepped on his fur and tumbled down.

_I wonder which one of us looks more pathetic now, _Smoker thought, still trying to get off the seastone. _If I get out of this, I'll have to redesign my jitte._

"Curse it," the pirate spat, getting up from the ground. The situation didn't look good for Smoker. But just as he was about to despair, a lean figure appeared and attacked O'Malley with a series of quick kicks. Ten seconds later the pirate captain lay on the ground bound securely in black bands.

"Hina victorious!" the newcomer cheered. Smoker closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. He had to be saved by Hina of all people. He was never going to live it down, especially once she'd learn how exactly he had ended up in his current predicament. (And there was no hiding it.) He'd be the laughing stock of the whole base. Not to mention that he could forget about the promotion for the time being.


End file.
